I am smiling again...

For the first time in so very long I able to smile, and sit, and relax and be content. More then this I wonder if I have ever felt this content, or even this cared for. I haven't felt this warmth in so long, it is so very refreshing, almost like taking a long cool swim.

I have no regrets, I will not apologize for what I've done, not again. I have paid my dues, and done my best to make amends for those whom I have hurt. However the time for forgiveness has past, these feelings are to pure, to magical to have to say sorry for to anyone.

I find myself wondering If I've ever been this content, I find myself asking, when was the last time I was able to lie down and now that I'm okay with my life, that I am okay with the person I am. I don't care where I've been, the past can merely be used as a reference at this point. I've begun to care about this girl, more then I have cared about anyone or anything in so long.

My only fear is that this is some how a some form of lie, and that this new found joy is nothing more then the infatuational smiles of finding a new mate in my environment, but yet I think this has so much potential that I do not care what it is, I am smiling, and I am content, why should I crave for more?

In short, I have hope in this world again, maybe things aren't as cold and as dark as all the other pessimists may believe.